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Plane Engines
A blonde is on a four-engine plane crossing the Atlantic. All of a sudden there's a loud bang. The pilot announces over the intercom “I'm sorry, one of our engines has just shut off. We'll be delayed 45 minutes.”
Suddenly there's another bang. Once again, the intercom clicks on and the pilot expresses his regret that they'll be delayed two hours.
Shortly thereafter, there is another bang and the pilot announces that they'll be delayed 4 hours.
The blonde turns to the guy sitting beside her and says, “Man, if the fourth engine shuts off we'll be up here all day.”
Magic Mirror
There is said to be a bar in New York where, in the Ladies Room, there is a very special mirror. If you stand in front of this mirror and tell the truth, you are granted a wish. However, if you tell a lie, POOF! you are instantly swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen again.
A redhead of questionable looks walks into the Ladies Room and stands before the mirror and says, “I think I’m the most beautiful woman in the world.” POOF! The mirror swallows her.
Next, a rather large brunette stands before the mirror and says, “I think I think I’m the sexiest woman alive! POOF! The mirror swallows her.
Then an absolutely gorgeous blonde comes in and stands before the mirror and says, “I think…” POOF! She is swallowed up and is never seen again.
Old Western Movie
A blonde and her husband are laying in bed watching TV, an old western is on.
The husband says to his wife, “I bet you breakfast in bed that the covered wagon hits a rock and the driver falls out dead,”
“You're on,” returned his wife.
They watch the western and sure enough the wagon hits a rock in the dirt road and the driver falls out of the wagon … dead.
The wife gets out of bed and returns shortly with a tray of food.
After eating the husband says, “I have to admit that I saw this movie before.”
She in turn confesses, “I saw the movie before too. But I didn’t think he was stupid enough to ride over the same rock twice….”
Beetle Experiment
One day, a blonde was left alone in a lab with a beetle. She examined it and decided to do an experiment.
She pulled off one of its legs, then asked it to run. The beetle obeyed her command.
Then, she pulled off a second leg and asked it to run. It did, but with a lot of difficulty.
Finally, she pulled the remaining legs off and asked it to run. It couldn't.
“I have made a new discovery!” the blonde cried. “When you pull all of a beetle's legs off, it becomes deaf!!”
How a Blonde Gets More Paper
A small company recently hired a new blonde secretary who certainly wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer.
One day while she was typing, she turned to another secretary and said, “What do I do now? I'm almost out of typing paper.”
“Just use the copier machine paper,” replied the other secretary.
With that, the blonde took her last remaining blank sheet of typing paper, placed it on the photocopier and proceeded to make ten blank copies.
Paint Job
A blonde who’s down on her luck is walking through a luxurious neighborhood looking for odd jobs to do when she approaches a large house.
She goes up to the house, rings the bell and the owner comes to the door.
He asks the lady what he can do for her. The blonde tells him of her situation, that she is down on her luck and wants to know if he has any odd jobs that she could do.
The man thinks about it for a second and then remembers that he has been wanting to paint his porch. He asks the blonde if she paints?
The blonde says, “Sure anything.”
“Well, I’ve been wanting to paint my porch, how much would you charge?” the man replies.
“I don’t know, say $50 bucks.”
“Sounds good. Go ahead and get started.” He closes the door and walks back inside.
His wife asks him, “Who was at the door?” He tells her of the blonde and her situation
and then told his wife that the blonde agreed to paint the porch for $50 bucks.
The astonished wife says, “$50 bucks, but that porch goes the full length of our house and then some. It will be at least a few hours job. You really should pay her more.”
“But that’s all she said she wanted, and anyway she’s a dumb blonde!”
10 minutes later, they get a knock on the door. The man answers the door and the blonde stands there and says, “All done.”
With a surprised look on his face, “I can’t believe it, you’re already done painting the entire porch.”
“Yes, and by the way it’s not a Porsche it’s a Ferrari.”
Winning the Lottery
A Blonde buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number. The Redneck says, “I want my $20 million.”
The man replied, “No, sir. It doesn’t work that way. We give you a million today and then you’ll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years.”
The Blonde said, “Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it.”
Again, the man explain that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.
The Blonde, furious with the man, screams out, “Look, I want my money! If you’re not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my one dollar back!”
First Class
A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn’t have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m smart, I have a good job, and I’m staying in first class until we reach Jamaica.”
The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats “I’m blonde, I’m smart, I have a good job and I’m staying in first class until we reach Jamaica.”
The head stewardesses doesn’t even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blonde is causing a problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the co-pilot.
The co-pilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the co-pilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat. The co-pilot replies, “I told her the front half of the airplane wasn’t going to Jamaica.”
Bowling Team
Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City. The Brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus. The Blonde team rides on the top level.
The Brunette team down below is whooping it up having a great time, when one of them realizes she doesn’t hear anything from the Blondes upstairs.
She decides to go up and investigate. When the Brunette reaches the top, she finds all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight-ahead at the road, and clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.
She says, “What the heck’s goin’ on up here? We’re havin’ a grand time downstairs!”
One of the Blondes looks up and says, “Yeah, but you’ve got a driver!”
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