| |
This letter is from Banta Singh of Punjab to Mr. Bill Gates of Microsoft Subject:
Problems with my new computer
Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.
1. There is a button 'start' but there is no "stop" button. We request you to check this.
2. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friends clicked 'run ' he ran upto Amritsar! So, we request you to change that to "sit", so that we can click that by sitting.
3. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.
4. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this ' find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.
5. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that?
6. I brought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'MY Computer': when you will provide the remaining items?
7. It is surprizing that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.
8. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.
9. You provided "My Recent Documents". When you will provide "My Past Documents"?
10. You provide "My Network Places". For God shake please do not provide "My Secret Places". I do not want to let my wife know whre I go after my office hours.
Regards, Banta
Punjab Airlines
Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen.
This is your captain Banta Singh welcoming you to
Punjab Airways. We apologize for the four day delay in taking off,
owing to bad weather and some overtime I had put in at the bakery.
This is flight one two six flight to New Delhi.
Landing in Delhi is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in
the East. And if luck is in our favor, we may even be landing on your
village!
Punjab Airways has an excellent record for safety.
In fact our safety standards are so high that even the terrorists are
afraid to fly with us! It is with pleasure I announce that starting
this year over 50% of our passengers have reached their destination.
(I presume that the other 50% were the terrorists themselves!!!)
For the ones that don't quiet make it, Punjab Airways staff have all
the requisite experience for consoling the next-of-kin. Our
Stewardesses Bubbly and Goldie will be happy to brief you on our
out-of-court settlement policies.
If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger
request, we can arrange to turn them off ! To make your free fall to
earth pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary tea and
biscuits !
For our religious passengers, we are the only airline who
can help you find out if there really is a God!
We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight
movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the
television.
But for our movie buff, we will be flying right next to Air India,
where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin
window.
There is no-smoking in this airplane. Any smoke you
see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines
telling us to slow down!
Life jacket are positioned under your seats and free
bathing costumes are made available to the aunties and swimming
shorts to the uncles, for emergency jumps!
In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly
as close as possible for the best view. If, however, we go a little
too close do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies
right through the landmark !
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright
position for take off and fasten your belt. For those of you who
can't find a seat belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your
seat.
And for those of you who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in
touch with a flight attendant for your suitcase.
Sorry, but I won't be flying with you today because I have to attend
my nephew's wedding. But please make yourself at home and help yourself
to the cock pit.
Thank you for choosing Punjab Airways. HAVE A NICE JOURNEY.
World's Fastest
Four guys, one each from Harvard, Yale, MIT University and SANTA SINGH from India's Punjab University were to be interviewed for a prestigious job.
One common question was asked to all of them.
INTERVIEWER: WHICH IS THE FASTEST THING IN THE WORLD?
YALE Guy: It is Light, nothing can travel faster than Light.
HARVARD Guy: It's the Thought; because thought is so fast it comes instantly in your mind.
MIT Guy: Its Blink, you can blink and it's hard to realize you blinked
SANTA SINGH: Its Loose Motion
INTERVIEWER: (Shocked to hear Santa's reply) "WHY"?
SANTA SINGH: Last night after dinner, I was lying in my bed and I got the worst stomach cramps, and before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHTS, it was over !!
Smart Sardarji:
A Sardarji and an American are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York. The American asks if he would like to play a fun game. The Sardarji, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The American persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa." Again, he declines and tries to get some sleep.
The American, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5,and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."
This catches the Sardarji's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game. The American asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The Sardarji doesn't say a word, reaches into his wallet,pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the American.
"Okay," says the American, "your turn".
He asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The American, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer & searches all his preferences........no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress... no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail.
After an hour, he wakes the Sardarji and hands him $500. The Sardarji thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep.
The American, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the Sardarji and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the Sardarji reaches into his purse,hands the american $5,and goes back to sleep.
And you thought Sardars were stupid?..
Race to the Sun:
Two Sardarjis, both student of I.I.T, Kanpur, were talking about the American Astronauts.
One said to the other, "What's the big deal about going to the moon-anybody can go to the moon. We are sardars we will go direct to the sun."
"But if we get within 13 million miles from the sun, we'll melt."
And the first answered, "So what, we'll go at night."
|
|
